I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
