Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
