Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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