he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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