Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
MIDGETS
????
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
