so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
