Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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