His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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