I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
