omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
