My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
