my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
