just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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