Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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