Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
