hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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