For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
