i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
