so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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