so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
