his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
