Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
