is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
