I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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