Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
