I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
