a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
