JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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