Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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