We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
