I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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