:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
