ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
