Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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