I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
