My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
