i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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