oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
