I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
