oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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