2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
