if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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