Ambien. No doubt about it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was CRYING into my vagina
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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