She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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