tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
