Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
