all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
