Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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