Pants 0. Shit 1.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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