do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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