I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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