I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
