then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
