Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
