i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My penis needs a shock collar
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
